Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts

Thursday, March 26, 2009

How Many Hats?


How many hats can one person wear? Wife, mother, daughter, caregiver, accountant, travel agent, housekeeper,laundress, nurse, etc. etc. I am constantly going – literally morning, noon, and night. No time for a workout. Sleep? That’s something I seem to get in snatches.

On March 5, I flew home with my mother. I took her straight to the airport from the nursing home. Why? I feared that if she returned to her old environment she would refuse to come with me. Mom agreed with the plan. We had one plane change in Denver. I must say, Frontier Airlines does a great job when it comes to assisting disabled passengers, especially at Denver International Airport.

My work is constant, there’s always something to do. Call Medicare. Call Mom’s doctor. Answer the phone. Mom needs toothpaste. Run to the grocery store and then to Mom’s place. Work. I find myself falling asleep on the computer keyboard at work and at home. No room for sleep.

So who am I? Am I the myriad roles I take? Am I the jobs I do? It’s all a blur. No time to reflect. Even now, I am writing this as I wait in Detroit airport for my flight that will eventually take me back to San Diego and then Chula Vista. Shoshannah, Fox, Barry, and Wolfgang are all meeting there to clean and pack Mom’s stuff. Wow is there a lot of stuff!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Doubt


She started crying when she read a card from one of her work friends. I immediately went to her side and hugged her.

"I'll be okay," she said through her tears.

It's hard on her. I worry about that and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Intellectually I know it's right. I've had to take off from work and fly out here three times within six months. Her home isn't safe. She cannot depend upon her friends. Still when I see how hard this is on her, I wish things could be different.